Boxers or Briefs?
by Carnivorous Panda
Summary: Tsunade is about to operate on Lee, but first, she needs to get him to change into his hospital gown.  In the process, she gets more than a little disturbed.  [Crack fic] [Twoshot]
1. Boxers or Briefs?

A/N: This is pure crack. Don't take it seriously, please. I don't know what compelled my screwed up mind to come up with something like this, but it did. On the other hand, this is one of my first attempts at humor. So tell me how I did…through REVIEWS. Please?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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Saturday morning, Rock Lee and Lady Tsunade were standing in one of Konoha Hospital's sterile white operation rooms. Lee was still in his typical green spandex jumpsuit, and Tsunade was brandishing a white plastic discardable hospital gown.

"Change into this while I go and prepare some of the instruments for the surgery. I'll be back in ten minutes." She tossed the gown at him, and swiftly walked out the door.

It seemed, although Tsunade was supposed to be one of the greatest ninja ever, and a top notch medical expert…she had forgotten that in his current crippled state, he wasn't able to change by him self. Struggle as he might, Lee couldn't peel off his spandex and pull on the gown. It just wasn't possible, with a leg and an arm crushed. Nevertheless, Lee did _not_ give up.

_I see; it is training!_ He thought diligently.

So, ten minutes came and passed, filled with hapless struggling and a _very_ violent plastic white discardable non-living hospital gown.

When the time was up, Tsunade strode back into the room followed by Shizune.

"Lee, why is that gown _not_ on?" Tsunade asked snappishly.

"I am sorry, but I cannot get it on." He said, striking one of his various socially embarrassing poses.

"Damn it, Lee! Just change into the hospital gown already! I have to start the operation pronto!" A rather agitated Tsunade snapped.

"But I cannot!" Lee exclaimed.

Tsunade frowned, and gave him a glare with her lips pursed in agitation.

"I see." She turned to her assistant. "Shizune! Get him changed." She was obviously annoyed.

"Hai, Lady Tsunade."

Shizune approached Lee, and began to unzip his spandex jumpsuit. He swatted her hand away.

"No! You mustn't!" he exclaimed.

Tsunade rolled her eyes.

"Look. I just want to get this operation _over _with." She tapped her foot impatiently. "Lee, I don't care if you're wearing boxers or briefs. I am a _medical specialist_. I swear won't laugh at you if you wear a jockstrap." Oh yes, Tsunade was_ very_ annoyed.

Lee felt his face burn up in embarrassment. He mumbled something unintelligible.

"Shizune, carry on." Tsunade ordered.

"Hai." Shizune began to unzip his jumpsuit again. He gave a squeak, and slapped her hand away. Tsunade rolled her eyes, and muttered something under her breath that sounded suspiciously like, 'After this, I'm going to need to find a gambling hall…' Shizune sent her a disapproving look.

"Lee, we can't start the operation if you aren't in the hospital gown. Please, if you would just let me help you—" Shizune began.

"That does it! We're running late!" Tsunade held the gown in one hand, and pulled the jumpsuit off Lee, intent on forcing the sterile gown on.

His face turned redder than before.

Shizune and Tsunade both covered their eyes…

"Oink-oink…" TonTon groaned.

"I'm…sorry Lee…I didn't realize that you were…_commando_…"

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A/N: I have an idea for a second chapter. I'll probably post it up soon. XP That was my first crack fic.

**Review!?**


	2. The Konoha Grapevine

A/N: Ah, another crack-filled chapter. This time, inspiration came from a comic I found online…to see it, visit _Spader7-Naruto_ 's profile on Go to page two in the gallery, and find the one that says 'Question to Lee'. xD It's hilarious. Also, you might notice, in this chapter…I called Ino a 'gossip-whore'. Okay, this story is CRACK. C-R-A-C-K. If you feel offended about this…I don't care. Because this story is CRACK.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic.

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When Lee got drunk…Havoc wreaked.

When Gai got drunk…Pandemonium didn't even come close.

Thankfully, Gai knew this, so when Tsunade offered him a cup of sake, he turned down her offer.

The operation on Lee ended two days ago, and finally, Tsunade was able to declare his condition stable. In celebration, Gai's team and she went out to a tavern. In the end, she was the only one who drank an alcoholic beverage; Tenten and Neji both being minors, and obvious reasons for Gai.

Neji stabbed his onigiri with his chopsticks.

"So, how did the operation go?" asked Gai, with his trademark goofy grin. Light must be have been able to defy the laws of physics, and managed to sparkle on his teeth. Which, really, was extremely strange, because the light shining on the other side of his head. Then again, Gai was an extremely strange person.

By that time, Tsunade was downing her eighth cup of sake, was officially drunk…

…and blurted out the whole embarrassing story about Lee's changing mishap.

By the end of her exciting tale, a wide smirk had grown on Neji's face (his onigiri temporarily forgotten), and Tenten was choking on her sushi.

Needless to say, Lee's two teammates didn't bother concealing their amusement about the whole thing.

However…Gai's reaction was somewhat different.

After watching his two students giggle over it, Gai spoke, striking a pose,

"Real men don't need underwear!"

Oh dear.

Tsunade stared at him in slight revulsion, but after a few seconds, she decided the subject wasn't as important as her sake, and gulped down her ninth cup, still drunk as ever.

Tenten and Neji stopped their chuckling the second the words came out of his mouth, and inched away from their sensei as if it were a disease.

"Neji, you don't…?" Tenten trailed off, looking a bit sick that her boyfriend might also go around commando. Neji shook his head violently.

Tenten sighed in relief.

Neji took his unfinished onigiri home in a takeout box.

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That night, Tenten went to Ino's sleepover with Sakura and Hinata (Ino and Sakura had renewed their friendship, as Sasuke left Konoha a few weeks earlier). They did typical girls' sleepover things, like watching a romantic comedy on pay-per-view, ordering pizza, talking about guys, and the inevitable…

…Truth or Dare.

The game started out normally enough, with silly dares and questions…until Sakura's turn.

"Tenten; truth or dare?" Sakura asked.

"Truth," she answered.

"You're Lee's teammate, right? What became of him with his operation?"

Unlike the other questions, Sakura asked this one because she seemed genuinely concerned about Lee's indisposition.

But after a question like that, conveniently delivered to her doorstep right after Tenten found out about Lee's embarrassing predicament…Tenten just couldn't resist, could she?

Five minutes later, Ino was snorting with laughter, Sakura looked as if she didn't know whether or not to laugh (although Inner Sakura was having the time of her life), and Hinata's face had turned a light pinkish, reddish color.

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The next day, Naruto bugged Sakura about information on Bushy Brows, and Sakura had no choice but to reply. Their sensei, Kakashi, also overheard…

…and told the other Jounin instructors, who told the Chunin…

Ino didn't need to be asked to tell.

Being the gossip whore that she was, Ino made sure that everyone on her team and Hinata's (because the shy girl wasn't the type to spread gossip) knew about what happened with Rock Lee.

By lunch time that day, the entire village was buzzing with the news. Those whom were originally sympathetic towards Lee were now laughing at him.

When Lee realized the whole village knew of his secret, he was _horrified_.

Thinking back, Lee realized...

…that it was _all. Gaara's. Fault…for being the one to injure him in the first place…_

Even after Gaara stopped being a homicidal self-centered brat, Lee never did like him quite as much as the rest of the people did.

_Neji ate his onigiri._

FIN

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A/N: Review!!!


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